Jenni Davies

90 Ontario St. 

Toronto, ON

M5A 3V6

Canada

© 2017 JD Content Creations.

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On Boundaries

July 4, 2019

Most of my life I said yes to everything 
and faded to the dust of stars

A primal instinct to please, to seek affection - to find security in that social contract

 

Yes mum. Of course Dad.

At 17 I’d look at my self-deprecation with pride


Jenni Davies will give you the
shirt
off 
her
back

 

I wore that nakedness like a badge of honour
Knowing I’d be there if anyone ever needed me
For literally anything
Because that’s the hero I so desperately needed 
The nicest girl in all the world.

 

But niceness is a window and I was a mat
To walk over and through and on 
Who’d pick up bar tabs without asking until it was expected
Until friends called to ask favours I wouldn’t dare to ask my mom
Until the sacrifice no one asked me for, burned inside me
Taking chunks of me with it

 

Once I dated someone I’d have cut out my soul for
I gave him the light inside me until he’d used it all up
An offering he never wanted
Something he never asked for
That was on me. 


[resentment]

I didn’t know relationships could come without strings
I believed I was a transaction
That love was bought and paid for with acts of service, money & sex

I overdosed on martyrdom and thought I’d become a saint.

 

I didn’t know you draw your lines
And people don’t cross them - not because you ask nicely 
But because you don’t fucking let them.

 

My star dust lost its sparkle and turned into mud
lifeless
washed up
mud.

 

But I took that mud and found a sun
I baked that dirt into the foundation of my soul & when I learned to say NO
I was called a bitch
but the lesson I learned is that nice has boundaries too

 

If you feel empty because you’re giving away your light
you need to understand

You aren’t a fairy godmother
You’re a carpet
and there’s nothing romantic about that.  

 


#powerofno #boundaries #fuckaverage #empowerment

 

 

 

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